All That Matters
by AquaTurquoise
Summary: Here is a reflection on the first Queen of Enchancia's final months, from her perspective. *Based on the song "All That Matters" from Finding Neverland: The Musical* (Note; This is separate from the Wassailia-themed stories due out this week. ;) )


All That Matters

Summary: Here is a reflection on the first Queen of Enchancia's final months, from her perspective. *Based on the song "All That Matters" from _Finding Neverland: The Musical_ *

Disclaimer: I do not own "Sofia the First," the idea of The Queen from the show, or the song "All That Matters."

A/N: So I decided it's finally time to do something I've been wanting to do for a long time now. I'm writing a first-person point of view story. As we do not know the name of the queen, I figured it's easier to tell things from her perspective. If you've read my previous stories with her mentioned, you'll probably see some continuity from those stories. ;) Stories where she's had a larger role or been mentioned in grander contexts: Queen for a Day, Dressed in Gold, Most Unlikely, Forget Me Not, Promises, With Each Sunrise, Woven Bond, and Never Forgotten. Wow… lol I never realized how many stories I'd mentioned her. Anyway! Hope you enjoy.

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty… I'm afraid the prognosis isn't good."

Those words echoed in my mind, gripping my heart in a fistful of fear and disbelief. I could hardly make out the words the doctor told me, as I did not want to hear them. Months… Less than a year… Heart… Head… Nothing he can do.

My eyes snapped up to him, silencing him instantly. "N-Nothing?" I asked, and I hated how shaky and uncertain my voice sounded. I had always been the very definition of dignified and regal, knowing for certain when to speak and how to approach many subjects. As it turned out, the topic of my own…demise…was another story.

"I'm afraid not, Your Majesty," he said apologetically, sounding rather shaky himself. I could scarcely imagine how difficult it must have been for him to be the one to give me such grave news…

I was going to die.

I allowed a tear to fall down my cheek, but I wiped it away. After all, it was nearly time for Wassailia. There could be no tears during such a happy time. I had always said as much to my children.

My children… My innocent children. They needed me. How would they cope in a world without me? James could probably escape into that dream world of his…full of pirates, cannons, dragons, and sword fights. He could block out reality better than anyone I knew. But Amber…

No, my own little twin—I say so because we share similar traits—would not take this news well. I knew her mind frame: she would be the first to deny. The first to say, "Mommy, stop kidding around. Let's go play!" But they deserved the truth, as did Roland, my dear husband…and the entire kingdom eventually.

"No," Roland uttered in shock that night, dropping to his knees beside the bed. He took my hand, holding onto it securely. "N-No, there must be something we can do."

I sighed and pulled my hand from his, using it to gently stroke his face. "I'm afraid not, my love. The doctor said with my headaches increasing and my body reacting as it has been, it…won't be much longer."

"H-How long?"

"Less than a year, maybe mere months now." Seeing his blue eyes clouded in a stormy and disbelieving haze, I leaned forward and kissed his forehead. "Let's set this aside…and return to our conversation about this later. We need to plan, my love. As little as we want to, it's only fair to Amber and James, and to you."

"Right… I suppose…" And at that moment, I saw Roland truly break down for the first time. He'd always been such a strong king, happy and playful like our son, but in that instant he was reduced to a child himself: terrified, devastated, and so hopeless.

We made no mention of my illness during Wassailia. That was _our_ time, to be a happy family one last time. The light in the eyes of my children shined and glistened brighter than I had ever noticed. Was this what I would miss? Was this the truth to their essence: their blissful state of being unaware? If so, I wished to keep that stance as long as I could.

But I couldn't keep it a secret forever. I finally told Amber and James one winter night in February. As expected, they were in a state of doubt and despair. They had so many questions, which I could not answer. Amber demanded to know why I wanted to leave them. That broke my heart. I gently explained to her that I'd had no intentions of ever leaving them, but she refused to believe me. That night, I wrote a letter to her, sealed it, and instructed Roland and a few other castle members how to take care of it. The one rule I stated very clearly: that letter was for Amber's eyes only, and only when she was ready.

In addition to the letter, I'd instructed local seamstresses to have something special made for my dear girl, and our royal sorcerer Cedric aided in making the whole thing possible. Some toy-makers also offered to lend a hand in creating something special for James. I owed a great deal to our hard-working castle dwellers and kingdom occupants. They really and truly did try to make things easier for us.

Making plans for one's ultimate departure is never easy. It's even worse if it's your own.

I had to indicate where to locate certain items (for Roland's sake), plan for the children's studies and lessons, spend pure and quality time with my loved ones before I could no longer be able to do so, and so many other things…

I knew I was in a downward spiral late one night the following summer when I nearly collapsed to the marble floor, only to find that someone had caught me before I'd completely fallen. Looking behind me, a small smile arose to my face. "Baileywick."

Ah, our faithful steward Baileywick. He wasn't really even a worker to us. He was family. To me he was like a second father, someone I could always count on. What I loved about Baileywick was that he could make sense of whatever chaos I created, whether I had intended it or not. He could make me smile when I felt hopeless, and he gave me a sense of renewal whenever we spoke. He was an angel to me…

"Your Majesty, shouldn't you be in bed?" he scolded lightly, attempting to keep things light and airy. I appreciated his efforts, because I grew tired and weary of people constantly reminding me that I was going to die. As if I didn't know…

"I should be," I replied with a mischievous glint in my eye, which he seemed to know all too well. "But the twins' birthday is coming up soon, and I want it to be perfect."

"Just leave that to me and the rest of the staff," Baileywick pleaded gently, pulling me to my feet. "That's our job."

"Yet it is my job as their mother to make sure I have a hand in things, is it not?"

"Yes, Your Majesty, but you've done so much already. You started everything; please, allow us to help you by finishing it."

Finishing… So many finalizing words around me lately, whether they realized it or not.

I sighed, giving in. "Very well." I smiled appreciatively toward him before kissing his cheek. "Thank you, Baileywick. Don't work too hard."

He chuckled. "No promises, Your Majesty."

Instead of going to bed, I decided to make one final stop before I retired for the evening. I ascended the spiral staircase leading to the top of the tower, where Cedric's workshop resided. He called it a "workshop." I called it a "getaway tower." I knew how little he cared to associate with many people, sometimes myself included. I respected that about him, though; sometimes one needs to extract oneself from the majority to feel a sense of peace.

I knocked on the door to the workshop and heard a shuffling sound from within. I couldn't help the smile that came to my face. Cedric always did seem so tense and surprised when someone arrived to speak to him, but he moved slower at night, it seemed. When the door opened, his sleepy look changed to one of alarm.

"Y-Your Majesty! Uh…" He glanced back into his workshop before ushering me inside, closing the door behind us. "What are you doing here so late?"

I just laughed softly and walked past him into the cold workshop. Seriously, how could he stand it? Even in the summer… "I just wanted to check on…your progress, if you don't mind."

We had a sort of secret language in regards to certain things now, items he aided me in creating for the twins included. Others didn't understand the friendship I shared with this awkward sorcerer, but he was one of the few people who didn't act like a royal snob or something silly. He was just himself, and I appreciated it. He gave me a strength to carry on, even if he didn't realize it.

"Oh, I see." He walked over to his closet, opening the door and pulling out a carefully-wrapped package. He placed it on the table, opening the cloth for me to see. "It now has stretching properties," he informed me, "for when Princess Amber ages. She can wear it as long as she wishes." He seemed a little distant as he spoke to me, as he always did with any member of the royal family.

I smiled gently, patting his hand and apparently surprising him. "Thank you, Cedric."

He cleared his throat and smiled nervously. "Y-You're welcome, Your Majesty. And…was there anything else I could do for you?"

"No, I was just curious about this… Thank you, my friend." I gave him a friendly hug, which surprised him even more, and laughed. "You know, Cedric, this whole hugging thing works better if _you_ participate too…"

"O-Oh!" He laughed sheepishly, wrapping his arms around me and hugging me properly. "I apologize, Your Majesty." He shyly backed away as I stood upright once more. "I'm afraid I don't get many hugs."

I smiled. "One day, you will. I can almost guarantee that. Good night." As I left, I could have sworn I heard him say my name so quietly, wishing me a peaceful and painless night. Thank you, Cedric…

Time passed so quickly… One last time. One last hug from my children and my husband. One last bedtime story… Oh, I wish I could stay longer…but life is at an end for me. What a lovely life it's been… A rainbow of dreams, wishes, chances, and successes. The sun as it rises, and the moon as it lingers in the night sky…the water as it crashes upon the sandy shore…so many things I took for granted. Every breath is precious. Every bloom and twitter from the birds—how lovely!

I know I won't go to silence. I'll go to warmth, love, and peace. There will be a festive sound of continuous happiness, as I've longed for. All that matters now is where I go from here…and whether in this life or the next, I'll embrace whatever may come. A queen in life, yet a memory for all time after… Listen for me on the breeze, my little ones, for I'll never truly be gone.

I'll always be with you…always.

The end

A/N: So this was a complete surprise for me, but I had to get it out there. Consider this an in-between perspective-ish story, I guess. Clearly, the queen has been gone for a long time, whatever the case is with her, but you know how music is… If it influences you, just roll with it. Hope you enjoyed, and sorry if it's sad. I tried to add elements of positivity in here. Haha. Tomorrow, you'll see a whole different sort of story. ;) ~AquaTurquoise


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